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Remove the self

If we want to act to forge connection the first step is to completely remove the self. Whatever's happening is not about you and has everything to do with the people around you. Don't think. The more you think the more you insert yourself.

Playing both connector and arguer is often times to much

Practically how do you remove the self

removing the self is different from removing yourself. You want to stay a part of the conversation but one without a personal stake. The easiest way to do that is to stop using 'I' or 'me'.

> “the word “I” gets people’s guard up. When you say “I,” it says you’re more interested in yourself than the other person, and it makes you take personal responsibility for the words that follow—and the offense they might cause. But when you phrase a label as a neutral statement of understanding, it encourages your counterpart to be responsive.” .float-right Book/Never Split the Difference

When you stop using those words it becomes easier to stop thinking about your opinion on the matter. Your opinion can come later, first we need to debug this conversation.

Don't know what to say without using 'I' or 'me'? Try these phrases

"What you seem to be saying..."

"It sounds like . . ."

“It seems like . . .:

"It looks like . . .”