You don’t see yourself when your face lights up at the sight of a baby, ice cream, or your favorite restaurant. You don’t see yourself when you smile at me for finally understanding what you’re trying to say. You don’t see yourself when you’re so focused at the things you love doing. You tell yourself you’re ugly but you’ve never seen yourself talk about the things you love. The stars, sky, the constellations, and the universe. You never saw yourself tear up for laughing so hard or turn red after I told you something cheesy. I guess that’s why it’s so easy for people to say they’re ugly because they’ve never seen themselves in the smallest moments, in the ordinary, and still be beautiful.
So Person/The Grand Margie gave me a call around Christmas that I'm still thinking about. She called me randomly in the evening a few days after we had spent and afternoon hanging out. Since that day she couldn't stop thinking about how bad she thought she looked and was feeling very down about it. She said that at this point she had lost everything about her appearance that she liked as a younger woman. Her waist, her face, her hair she all viewed as gone. I've been thinking about that call for a solid month.
In the moment
and sure maybe you're not feeling great one day, or you're feeling gross and that's fine but feeling and being are not the same thing.
You know when you stare at a word for so long it starts to not look like a word anymore, like something is wrong with it? I think this is the same thing girls do to their bodies.