How do you do this? Taking your observations ( word choice, body language ) and what you know about a person ( demeanor, disposition ) and ask yourself:

"If this then what?"

If you know what a person has said take your observations and guess what would cause them to say that

This can be overwhelming, especially in the midst of a rapid fire disagreement, but it doesn't have to be done for every single sentence. You only need to take all of what they're saying, maybe one or two of their points.

When you do this for both sides of an argument you can begin to see the {{or: points of disconnect |suppositions}} and how each party is missing the other.