October 13th, 2020

I don't think Onlyfans is introducing more promiscuity - I think it (and stuff like WAP) are symptoms of changing cultural tides in regards to *seduction*, not actual sex. The difference may be hard to spot but I think it's extremely important.

I suspect seduction rites and sex rites are two extremely different classes and should be treated separately. Seduction rites include culturally visible sexual power - from bared ankles to miniskirts - and messaging around that power. Right now we're seeing a huge rise in 1/

female sexual signalling - the scope of what is acceptable female seduction display is widening a lot - look at Onlyfans and WAP. It's very explicit, borderline pornographic, female-empowerment messaging. But I think this is *not* transferring to sex as much as people think! 2/

Our cultural messaging isn't emphasizing sexual messaging, it's emphasizing sexual *power*, and culturally, women's sexual power is held *without* having sex with men.

Case study: Bella Thorne.

And this is the same with WAP - the singers of the song are both in long term relationships, one of them married. Iirc Cardi B has joked about not actually having sex with many people, despite the song. The lyrics are explicit but the women themselves *are not*.

The fascinating thing about Onlyfans isn't that girls are sluttier (young women are having *less* sex!), it's that the line between seduction and sex is getting much more visible in the narrowing space. To me, the lack of bleed over is the important and worrying thing here.

Women's sexual power is being flaunted - the thing you want but cannot get is being blown up, socially embraced, put into your face.

And I think this is good - but what's worrying to me is the asymmetry between gendered power here. I think if we don't figure out a way to give men - especially less powerful ones - a distinct way of being able to actually access sex, we might be in for more trouble. In this regard, I think in-person escorting is way more socially healthy than online stuff like Onlyfans is.

this points at a v interesting nuance

it makes me curious about what happens if we reframe desire as something with a sort of safety prerequisite

there’s probably been a lot of varied experience around the shifting cultural permissions and expectations around sexual power but when I think through our history I struggle to think of any movement that has actually empowered people to enthusiastically consent to actual sex

speaking from my own exp, I feel safer expressing my desire to be generally desirable or even my desire to be desired by someone in particular than I feel around either generally desiring pleasure/sex or especially desiring sex with someone in particular

I seek to indiscriminately inspire desire, I have always wanted to be wanted

men have perhaps always had a lot of cultural permission to want to be desirable (tropes about how men can interpret anything as a sign women want them come to mind )but in the chaos of half-baked consent discourse I imagine they feel less safe now around wanting sex too

male sexuality in general has come to be seen as predatory so I can imagine the new acceptance of explicit female seduction creates a sense of safety where men can enjoy getting off on women like me who make it very explicit that it’s our sexuality on display on our terms

so then we end up in a situation where women feel safe making porn or porn-adjacent content and men feel safe consuming porn or porn-adjacent and we are all terrified to have a conversation in person much less talk about our genuine sexual desires much less actually fuck

honestly, in my sexual relationship with myself, with my partner when we are monogamous, or with other partners when polyamorous, the ceilings I hit around consenting and requesting and exploring and enjoying all revolve around simply feeling safe with my own experience of desire

I have suffered sexual violence and I have also been resistant to treatment for those and other kinds of traumas so I may struggle with unsafety in some distinct and dramatic ways but I don’t think the safety ceiling is unique to abuse survivors at all

sex is play and play requires safety and our culture has forgotten sooooo much of the wisdom of play and the safety and peace that is always available as a part of our human nature

what would change if we all agreed to experience self-exploration as deeply romantic?

what would it take to create social norms that LINKED (sexual) play and productivity rather than pitting them against each other?

“Wiggling” is a humble personal concept of mine that refers to the heroism of trying to rev yourself into power when you are so low, so depressed, you can’t even move. When all you can do is wiggle, & you wiggle, somehow, you develop momentum & strength, & you may dance again

https://www.keithjohnstone.com/

Wrote Book/Impro

how would you describe impro?

everything should continue to circle back to touching impro

if you're afraid of people you're actually high status

Where is a person's status determined? You spoke about internally incorrectly labeling your own status

so is perception an integral part and if so

The mismatch of status perception

be playful

you need to listen and engage to be playful and those skills are so important to have a discourse

Be persistent, start where they are

Think how much they’ve suffered not to want to play


We had an imaginary hole in front of the doorway of my first class and everyone would should to make sure the person entering the room didn't fall into it

someone who can't drop their status can't play

if you learn to do that you can disarm them

difficult to do with a high status person